It came as a bit of a shock to me the other day. I realised I was okay. I am actually okay. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I have clarity, peace and calm - my thoughts and feelings aren't overshadowed by one specific emotion or event. I'm living and… Continue reading Feeling strong
Thankful Thursday (November 27)
Today is Thanksgiving in the USA so to all of you celebrating this day: For me here in little old New Zealand, it's just another day. But every day is for gratitude and as it's Thursday, here's what I'm especially thankful for this week. This week it is most definitely family. Last Wednesday I was able to… Continue reading Thankful Thursday (November 27)
Goodbye to my Gran
Last weekend I said goodbye to my Gran. I am surprised how hard her passing has hit me. She was 93 years old and had struggled with her health for a little while now. It was a relief in the end, and for the last week it was inevitable - there was no surprise here but when I… Continue reading Goodbye to my Gran
REALITY OF GRIEF
Daily prompt: Tunnel VisionI'm going to build a secret tunnel to take me to heaven. Just for a visit, I'm not ready for it to be my time yet. I want to see my kids grow and be a grandmother, I want to mature with my husband and enjoy retirement with him. But in the meantime my… Continue reading TUNNEL VISION
GRIEF IS NOT A LINEAR JOURNEY
Grief is not a linear journey. It's a complete hurly-burly hodgepodge of experiences that one absolutely can not predict. Just when you think you've managed to deal with, and shelve a few things, you're thrown bodily back into the storm of fully charged emotion. Sometimes for no clear reason, then again sometimes you can see the… Continue reading GRIEF IS NOT A LINEAR JOURNEY
BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY WEEKEND
I don't make a big deal of my birthday as a rule. I prefer to just let it slide - it's not an age issue, that's just me, I don't need to be centre of attention, in fact I prefer not to be! This year however, circumstances weaved a beautifully perfect birthday weekend for me… Continue reading BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY WEEKEND
Daily prompt: 190 Days Later If I could have looked forward to this day on January 21 and predicted how life would be, would I have been right? I'm going to go with 'no'. I'm guessing that now my life is going better than I would have thought possible back in January. Let's recap. Eight days before… Continue reading ROLLER COASTER!
MISSING BIG IN THE LITTLE MOMENTS
Today I found out that my cousin is engaged - in the same instant I was thinking how awesome that is for her, I thought, I must give my mum and call and make sure she's up to date with the good news. And then I remembered I can't. And I don't have anyone to… Continue reading MISSING BIG IN THE LITTLE MOMENTS
DEAR MUM. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN SIX MONTHS?!
Dear Mum The other day I came across the photos taken at your wedding anniversary party last June. It's almost impossible to believe that was only just over a year ago. So half of that time you were here, even though in some ways it feels like that was a decade ago. And half of… Continue reading DEAR MUM. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN SIX MONTHS?!
A CAPTURED MOMENT
I just found this picture - it's me delivering my speech at our wedding in 2012. What really struck me was my mum's expression. Such an amazing mama, this image has perfectly captured the love, joy and pride all over her face. I think this is one picture I will treasure forever now. We never knew… Continue reading A CAPTURED MOMENT
POST MOTHERS DAY: A LESSON
So leading up to Mothers Day I was a bit of a mess (here's the background). Turns out the day wasn't the dreadful disaster I was expecting, in fact, it was a great day. Don't you love it when something quite beautiful hits you completely out of the blue?! Taking on the 10km walk to… Continue reading POST MOTHERS DAY: A LESSON
ANSWERING WHY. OR NOT.
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5 Last night my daughter was angry. Hard core, I don't know what to do with myself, raging, angry. Once we… Continue reading ANSWERING WHY. OR NOT.
'Conflicted' isn't usually a word I would use to describe my feelings over Mothers Day. But this year, I'm definitely being challenged. Sad, angry, hopeful, lost, proud, guilty, contemplative... Missing my mum this year is totally eclipsing the fact that Mothers Day has anything to do with me, and the role I play in my own… Continue reading MOTHERS DAY