Let me reintroduce myself

Let me reintroduce myself

There are moments in life that define us – maybe immediately, or perhaps they set off a transformation that rolls out over time. A journey.

The last few years have been the latter for me. Quite simply, I’m different to the me who was here two years ago. It’s fair to say I’ve been through the fire and I’ve come out differently. But the same. But different.

I’m still Abbie – I still like most of the same things, my heart hasn’t changed. But I now have a different view of the world … and how I want to live in the world. So I’m back, with plenty to say, and after a process of reinvention, I think I’ve found my voice again – the authentic voice that will speak truly from my heart, no bulls*it, always keeping it real.

The marketer in me wanted to come up with a few key words to sum up my priorities. To focus on those things that have a big impact in this stage of my life, and speak about who I am (or am striving to be).

This is what I came up with:

(See what I did there? LOVE alliteration!)

Over the next few weeks I will cover these aspects and hopefully from there, you’ll have a good idea of where I’ve been.

Yay, I’m blogging again! Well, blog, singular post, but Rome wasn’t built in a day 🙂

Thanks for reading x

 

I’m not enough

I’m not enough

I can’t be all things to all people. I’m always letting someone down. I know that. On some level, I know that trying to be what everyone else wants/needs is a pursuit that will never end well. I also know that I probably place more of those pressures on myself than anyone else.

But don’t we all have days where, in our own heads, we just don’t measure up?

The days I run non stop after the kids so that by the time I get to sit down with my husband in the evening I don’t have anything left to give him. I’ve let him down. The fact that I’m not the uncomplicated daughter/sister my family would like, the woman who will accept anything they say or do. To them, I’m a Jesus freak. I let them down all the time because I’m ‘different’. The days my body lets me down and then I barely function outside of the bathroom or lying on my bed. Those days I let everyone down.

I’m learning something though.

Even though I might fail to my own standards, or even to someone else’s standards, I am enough. Continue reading “I’m not enough”

Being happy

Being happy

Being happy is not just ‘not being sad’. Being happy is your soul singing, the good emotions bubbling from the depth of your belly, loving your life so much you can find good in every day. In my humble opinion anyway.

We can’t just expect ‘happy’ in our life. Although I’m sure many do. Happy is something we need to create.

Making choices that make us happy, are often hard. I wonder why that is? What is built into us that doesn’t allow us to accept happiness and joy? Continue reading “Being happy”

IT’S AN INNIE THING

IT’S AN INNIE THING

I have hit THE WALL. Not literally, no car crashes or broken fists or anything like that. But that metaphorical wall has come up and hit me in the face. Again.

Before writing this I was sitting in my wardrobe staring at my shoes. For quite a while. Pretty much not having the physical or mental energy or desire to move. Even the thought of watching TV … yuck, too much. I have suffered from depression in the past and it’s kind of like a (really) mini episode. Depression is a big word which I never take lightly. I’m not undermining anyone who suffers mental illness. But I can relate, those feelings won’t ever be forgotten. This is definitely a fleeting feeling of those days.

In this case though, don’t get me wrong, it’s not a small wardrobe, it’s a walk in with a window, and shoes, well I do love shoes. So it’s not as drastic as it sounds.

Except maybe it is. Continue reading “IT’S AN INNIE THING”

WOULD THE REAL ME PLEASE STAND UP

WOULD THE REAL ME PLEASE STAND UP

I haven’t been posting so much the last couple of weeks. I don’t know what to say. Which is VERY unusual for me. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write, it’s that there’s just so much.

I’ve mentioned before that I feel like I’m in a real transitory place – accepting a new life in a blended family (it will be two years in December so not so ‘new’ really) and working out where and how I fit. Thing is, I spent so much time making sure everyone else in the family was ok, I didn’t work on me. And I got lost. So very lost.

So now I’m at a point where I really have to spend some time working out who I am. It’s going to be a process.  I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and have no doubt it will appear in future posts. I’ve never been scared to write about what’s deeply personal and close to my heart!

I want to be true and authentic. And I want to be happy. At the moment, there’s too much empty and lost, to be properly and consistently happy. But I do know that happy is within reach. And I do know:

I can’t do this alone. Continue reading “WOULD THE REAL ME PLEASE STAND UP”

TO INSULATE OR EXPOSE TO THE WORLD?

TO INSULATE OR EXPOSE TO THE WORLD?

Those of you who know me, or who follow my blog, will know I have no problem stating things as I see them. I’m a pretty very open person and you’ll pretty much always know where I stand on an issue. While blogging gives me time to think and articulate my thoughts (I’ve written about this before), when speaking, I may not be  as articulate. The thoughts are there, oh yes they are ALLLLLL there, and quite jumbled. While I know what I want to say, it doesn’t always come out quite right. So ummmmm, I might have put my foot in it with some people in the school community recently. Sigh.

Our three youngest children go to a Christian school. Part of the way schools work in New Zealand is that parents are consulted and able to feed back on the health curriculum – yep, all that puberty, boy/girl stuff. So there was a meeting last week. As a Christian school, we obviously take a biblical stance on, well, everything. When you’re talking about teaching 11-14 year old kids about puberty etc, it raises some pretty interesting/controversial issues. Continue reading “TO INSULATE OR EXPOSE TO THE WORLD?”

I BLOG BECAUSE…

A big part of the reason I started this blog was to find my voice. My authentic voice. To work out, in the midst of this life, which has gone through some pretty monumental shift in the last few years, who I really am.

You may ask ‘how could a blog help?‘ which is a fair question. I know it is probably not for everyone but for me, it’s therapy. I’ve written in journals since I was a teenager, I love to write, it’s possibly even something I’m quite good at, and when I write,

things. just. make. sense.

Continue reading “I BLOG BECAUSE…”

WHY LOWERING STANDARDS IS AWESOME

perfection vs realismThere have been many lessons for all of us to learn in the blending of Harris6. A big one for me has been to be realistic.

Honestly, perfection just does not sit well in a house of six, four of them children, four of them males! It’s been a long road but I have finally started to relax my standards of what is acceptable in the home, and of myself, and oh my goodness, the relief is just a little bit a-may-zing! Continue reading “WHY LOWERING STANDARDS IS AWESOME”

LABELS: HIS HERS MINE YOURS OURS

LabelsThroughout life there are labels foisted upon us, we no doubt impose labels on ourselves as well. Some are necessary, it’s how we categorise the world. To be honest, I think labels are all about perception, so what one person may label us is quite possibly the complete opposite of what society may label us. But that’s a whole different post.

The specific labels I’ve been thinking about a lot lately are to do with our family.

We are a blended family, just 18 short months into our journey together. Before the blend there was ‘Abbie&Nat’ and ‘Richard with his Three Amigos’. I guess we came into our new life with labels. Richard was a widower. I had the less respectable divorced single mother labels to carry. Now we love the ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ titles (and roles!).

Very quickly, and very intentionally, we started talking about ‘we’ and ‘us’ as a couple and a family, and referring to the kids as ‘brothers and sister’. We also started referring to the children as ‘ours’. Because they are. Ours, that is. Continue reading “LABELS: HIS HERS MINE YOURS OURS”

MOTHERS DAY

Mum and I‘Conflicted’ isn’t usually a word I would use to describe my feelings over Mothers Day. But this year, I’m definitely being challenged. Sad, angry, hopeful, lost, proud, guilty, contemplative…

Missing my mum this year is totally eclipsing  the fact that Mothers Day has anything to do with me, and the role I play in my own family. I know I’m being completely selfish but it’s the first Mothers Day without my mum, just four months after her passing, and I’m not coping well. Honestly, never have I been so aware of the retail build up to the day. It’s been around six weeks  since the first ads started appearing and I don’t need the constant reminder! My sensitive, raw, grieving heart has made a hasty exit from more than one room in tears at the mere mention of ‘mums’. Continue reading “MOTHERS DAY”