Blended Family, Musings

Reintroduction: Family

I don’t for a second believe that family is only those we are tied to through shared genetics. I grew up with a step-father who is my dad in every way (aside from the obvious biological difference). So I knew from a young age what real family is.

As far as my immediate – husband and children – family goes, there is no higher priority for me. Thankfully my Mr and I look at this from the same perspective. We dedicate time, thought and energy to ensuring that our beautiful blend has an amazing sense of love and security, and shared experiences/ adventures/ memories. Family.

I’ve been blessed with four amazing kids. I love them all. But only my daughter is genetically of me. How could I possibly say that my three step-sons are not my family, just because we don’t share genetics? I can’t.

I love them, I’m proud of them, they frustrate the heck out of me … and vice versa no doubt! As I said to them when their dad and I were engaged, I want to be the “mum-type-person” in their lives as much or as little as they will have me (their mum passed away years earlier from Cancer). I’m lucky that they let me be their mum-person in almost every way. We ARE family.

I experienced a big change in my own family dynamics after my mum passed away. We sure did have to do a reshuffle in the way we think and operate. It wasn’t all smooth, in fact some of the lowest lows for me were related to this transition, but we’re over the bumps now. I’m proud of how we’ve overcome. Not proud of my part in it at the low points but on the other hand,  emotions were running sooooooo high, and … well, I don’t need to revisit it now. We’re good and that makes me happy.

Those bumpy months did show me just how important some people are my life. Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, is worth breaking those special relationships. Those months also illustrated for me the importance of the ‘mum’ role. I think it gave me a bit of a kick to really intentionally be the wife and mum I want for my nearest and dearest.

There’s so much more to write about family but really, I think when I say that my roles as mother, wife, and daughter have become really key in who I am and how I face every day, then I’ve nailed the key points.

|||||This post was prefaced by: Let Me Reintroduce Myself, which you can read here.

 

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3 thoughts on “Reintroduction: Family”

  1. Abbie, so sorry for your loss. Grief is a terrible thing and everyone grieves different. My parents were loving, understanding and taught me many things. One of the things they didn’t teach me was how to grieve. Had to learn that one on my own. Glad to read you are thru the bumps. But grief is like waves in an ocean. Sometimes, they are big and sometimes they are small. Sometimes you almost drown in them and others you get bounced around a little. It’s been 20 years since my mother’s passing and those waves still come, but I can usually see them on the way. I have learned that you have to let the feelings out. That’s challenging, because they are so raw and ugly and you don’t want anyone to see, but to me a gift you can give your children is to teach them how to grieve, how to share what they feel in a way that is not harmful to themselves or others. I hope you are remembering the good times with your mum. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you for your words. It IS a process isn’t it. Much longer and a little rougher than I expected. I know I will always miss her and I know my daughter still grieves for her ‘Gee’ in a big way. The price of loving is losing … no way would I want to go through life without loving, just to avoid the pain. I believe we are better people for loving, being loved AND for losing x

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