At Our House

Not the last bullying post (Part 2)

Yesterday I was going to post an update on Nat after her hideous time last year being bullied, and how bullying is out of our lives. Sadly, bullying is not out of our lives. So yesterday I posted an update on Nat (yay, it’s a happy story!) and now the stuff I’m not so happy to post. But it’s doing my head in so I need a rant…

Two of our sons are still at the school we chose to remove Natalie from. They are doing ok although I saw red (and white and pink and flashes of light, not good ones) when I found out that Nat’s bullies had been placed in my youngest son’s class!!! Thankfully it’s a mixed class and he’s the older year. So far, no drama, but I’m keeping a very close eye on things.

It appears however that other children are still suffering at the hands of bullies, and that some senior management are still unwilling to accept there is bullying at the school. Therefore blocking appropriate action. Recently I witnessed some terrible bullying behaviour on a sports field. Student to student from the same school, no immediate consequence.  I have contacted the school about that particular case, I can’t sit back, my blood boils and my heart breaks. It’s so unnecessary.

Image Background: Lonely Bear City Bench via photopin (license)
Image Background: Lonely Bear City Bench via photopin (license)

I hate that children are going through this stuff – it changes who they become. Bullies will always be bullies unless they are taught (and given consequences) otherwise. The children they hurt become lesser versions of their best selves until they are old enough to look back and realise it wasn’t about them – by which point the damage has been done.

In a further development, the lovely International student who has joined our family for a few months from Thailand, has been experiencing a hard time at the high school she is attending (different school). The students who have been assigned to buddy her have been swearing at her and name calling.

Again, I’m sad. I found myself apologising to our student and to her teacher over and over again that this happened to her. A visitor to our country, with limited English and this is what she gets?! That is not the Kiwi way let me tell you!

Hopefully now that everyone is well aware of what’s going on, including us, things will be firmly dealt with and our young lady can continue her learning in peace. She really is a sweet wee thing – very shy. And only 13 years old, very brave in my opinion to be away from her family and friends  in a country where she barely speaks the language.

I wish I had a magic wand and could take the part out of everyone that needs to be mean and vindictive. I hate bullying. I wish everyone hated bullying. I hate that the people I see at the receiving end are the ‘good’ ones.

There’s a real passion stirring in me over this.

I want to make a difference.

Somewhere. Somehow.

I just don’t know how.

Abbie x

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5 thoughts on “Not the last bullying post (Part 2)”

  1. Just out of curiosity, having been relentlessly bullied myself all through childhood, what is the school supposed to do about it? I know my bullies were punished but that only made the situation worse and on more private & terrifying grounds (I was actually physically dragged and pantsed behind the side of a building during recess one day by a huge group of boys in third grade). We had bullying seminars all through middle school and speakers on a monthly basis but instead I just felt like a spot light on me as my personal bullies glared in my direction. The best thing I had was the support of my teachers, they (most of them) were incredibly supportive of me. I had a my couple of friends that I was close to and they were my refuge.

    As an ex teacher (the entire reason I became a teacher) I witnessed allot of bullying, and all I had been trained to do was to stop it if I saw it, but the bullies are smarter than that, and I know it. The best I knew to do was reach out to those I saw exhibiting signs of being bullied and have them in my class before and after school with other bully victims and hang out and talk. Work on school work, discuss our day to day lives. Is that more what your are looking for?

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    1. Hi. Thank you so much for your question. Because it’s a really good one, and one I have put a bit of thought and talk into. But first, can I say I’m sorry you went through that as a child. That’s horrid for anyone. I think it’s amazing you went into a profession so you could try and help the next ‘you’. The world needs more people like you. I”m guessing from the ‘About’ page of your blog that you’re an entirely supportive and positive person. So high five from me to you.

      In terms of the answer to bullying, sadly, I think the best scenario is the magic wand I so badly want to wave and just make it all go away. Yeah, right!

      In my opinion, bullies bully from a place of hurt, or a place of ignorance.

      That place of hurt, where they’ve been hurt in some way themselves so bad that they need to push someone else down in order to feel better, the school can’t fix that. I don’t expect them to. There are programmes that can work with kids at this level (and I’m thinking this is where I might be headed, I want to heal hearts).

      The ignorance, where someone hasn’t been taught, doesn’t realise/know that they’re hurting someone so badly with their words and actions, yes I think the schools should be educating to a point. But this is more of a parenting issue.

      I do think that discipline is an issue. If handled well (timely, appropriate, consistent) I believe that a school can deal to the lower level of bullying culture that exists which, in my opinion, would stop some escalation such as what we experienced. My major issue with what we experienced was the complete denial of a problem at top levels. My daughter (and I) did not feel supported at all and when we walked away, she had no closure. She simply felt to blame (I’m sure you understand the guilt complex a bullying victim can start to apply to themselves). IF the school had supported her in some way, even if she’d seen her bullies being reprimanded, she may be felt more empowered.

      But no, I don’t have the answers. I do think I might spend some more time on this in the future.

      And sorry for the super long comment reply!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh darling, I am thrilled that your daughter is happy, but dismayed that her previous school has learnt nothing and still isn’t addressing the issue. The kids doing the bullying need to be separated in the classroom as well as the playground. I completely understand why you are so passionate about this issue, and we are all there with you!

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    1. Thank you lovely lady. It is entirely frustrating! On a brighter note, the high school my homestay student attends has efficiently dealt with issues and are being very open and clear with me about what’s going on – which is very reassuring 🙂

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