IT’S. JUST. NOT. FAIR.

This morning my dad called to tell me that our friends had turned their daughter’s life support off. Iola passed away peacefully in the arms of her mum and dad at the age of 20-months. My heart is hurting so badly for her parents now.

There was no warning. She stopped breathing in bed on Monday night and medical teams battled, unsuccessfully, to keep her alive. And now she is gone.

Iola was beautiful. She didn’t have the smoothest start to life but she had a smile to light up a room. She didn’t necessarily meet her milestones according to ‘norms’ but she was meeting them none-the-less and her parents celebrated every single one. They adored her.

My parents adored her too. Just a few days before my mum passed away she walked out to the driveway to see Iola before they went on a camping trip. My mum venturing beyond her chair was a big deal at that point. That is the impact that gorgeous girl had on my parents. Since we moved away, they often excitedly (and somewhat proudly!) told me over the phone of Iola’s visits and the new things she was doing. I think because Iola’s grandparents all lived overseas my parents saw themselves as surrogate grandparents – a role they took on gladly, as I’m sure did many others.

My Natalie would often disappear in the holidays, to be found next door hanging out with Iola and her mum. Nat would read to her, play with her – she loved her too and she is devastated at the loss of her little friend.

I don’t know what to do with this information. I don’t get it. I believe in God, I believe in a greater plan. This doesn’t shake my faith or change what I believe. But I have to ask WHY???? Why would God take such a gorgeous cherished little person? An only child to parents who battled to have her. What is the good that will come from this?

I know we can say, it’s better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all. And I know Iola’s parents will say they wouldn’t give back the 20 months they had with her for anything. But that doesn’t make it better, it doesn’t take away their pain.

It’s just so unfair. There are people having children who don’t want children. People having children who don’t care enough to raise them well or treat them right. But this little girl, who was so treasured, is now gone from this life forever.

I don’t understand.

Rest In Peace beautiful Iola Mair. I do know you’ll be in heaven with my mum now xo

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11 thoughts on “IT’S. JUST. NOT. FAIR.

  1. Oh, you do have comments enabled. I don’t know… Missed it last time. Anyway, so sorry to hear your news Abbie. No words, explanations or philosophies can change the fact or experience of loss.

    One thing strikes me in your words… That Lola’s parents wouldn’t give back the time they had with Lola… Even now, to know such pain. They wouldn’t trade it for having never known her. As a woman with no children (I don’t even know if that matters) this is such a bittersweet thought.

    God bless them and you all ❤️

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    1. Thanks Amanda. Iola’s dad reached out on Facebook this morning to their friend’s across the globe and said “She made us the happiest people alive and through all this sadness we will keep remembering that”. It is bittersweet for sure x

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  2. It’s heartbreaking. And makes no sense. Nor is it supposed to. I believe God has a reason for everything. I also believe we cannot possibly understand those reasons. Ever. It’s a test of faith. I’m so sorry for all those who loved this little girl. Thank you for sharing your story.

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment. Would you believe I was having this exact conversation with another friend on different matters and actually said ‘some questions don’t have answers, they aren’t supposed to, that is where faith comes in, that is what faith is’. How funny (silly!) that I couldn’t apply that answer to this issue. Perhaps I’m just a bit too emotionally tied up in this one to see it clearly! Thanks for setting my mind on the right direction 🙂

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  3. My heart goes out to Iola and her parents and all of you who are grieving the loss of her. I too have had a lot of loss in my life, which as you said has never shaken my faith but has prompted me at times to scream “why” as I’ve cried. The comfort I have found is that each unfair death – my brother died from cancer at age 15, my husband from gall bladder surgery at 48 – has brought some sort of positive growth to other’s lives at a later time. The last three days of my husband’s life was nothing short of miraculous – which is one of the stories I plan to publish within the next year. Death is only hard on the ones left behind – for those who know the Saviour anyway. And I can so relate to the feeling of unfairness – especially in a situation such as Iola’s. But God has her and her parents in the palm of His loving hands. I will join you in praying for her parents as they struggle. May God bless your every moment.

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    1. I’m so sorry for your losses. I guess it is through the questioning that we do learn and grow isn’t it. I had my ‘ah-ha’ moment with the comment from The Mom (below). It’s a matter of faith. I will continue to (try to) accept it as God’s plan and know He will deliver us all in the end. Thank you for sharing 🙂

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  4. I’m so sorry to read this. This has always been a fear of mine. For what God gives us, he can take so easily too.
    I don’t know what to say, I cannot imagine how her parents must be feeling.
    The only thing I know for sure is that God always does what is best for us. He knows what we do not. Maybe by taking her away, He has protected Lola and her parents from more harm. Maybe that is the reason and we will never know 😦
    My heart breaks when I read such stories, I pray that her parents, you and your family are given the strength to get through this incredibly difficult time. xx

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