So leading up to Mothers Day I was a bit of a mess (here’s the background). Turns out the day wasn’t the dreadful disaster I was expecting, in fact, it was a great day. Don’t you love it when something quite beautiful hits you completely out of the blue?!
Taking on the 10km walk to start the day was such a great idea from the outset. It gave me something to think about (sort of) and proactively doing something outside of my normal routine helped a lot to distract me from
brooding what could have been. Getting up at 7am on a Sunday was definitely outside of my normal – and my comfort zone!
That said, waking up to an absolutely clear, crisp, blue-sky morning surely encouraged my determined ‘I’m not going to cry (in public)‘ attitude. The lovely early messages from some very special friends and family, letting me know they were thinking of me, were awesome. As was the buzzing atmosphere at the start of the walk. Not to mention my amazing husband and kids also rising early to come and cheer me on – from the starting line, crisscrossing the track to see me three times throughout, then at the finish line. Yep, how blessed am I? It all came together perfectly.
God and I had a chat along the walk as well.
Abbie, you know you can’t control anyone else’s walk/journey don’t you? You need to concentrate on what YOU are doing and leave other people to what THEY are doing.
Yeah I know that. I know I need to let a lot of things go and just worry about my own stuff. I do get that God.
Then a group of about six people passed me in the walk. At this point I was in the leading group of about 10 and this self-confessed control freak got quite frustrated at not being in front any more.
Really Abbie? You get it? You’re letting go of other people’s stuff are you?
They’re here to race. You’re here for your own reasons. Work on your own journey, enjoy your own journey.
Ummmm, ok, yeah, good point. I get it. Really.
This is where I actually slowed down. Instead of a smile and wave at my family as I passed them, I stopped and gave my daughter a bear hug. I took photos along the way and appreciated just how gorgeous the setting was. Creation is amazing after all and it was a particularly fabulous morning.
I do know that this moment God gave me was about so much more than just a Sunday morning walk as well. I can’t control how other people live. And what has been so big for me to learn in these months, I can’t control how I grieve. I need to let go, feel it, and live it.
While I’m living it I need to remember that my life is actually pretty amazing, and I am blessed in so many ways.
I can recall a particularly grueling time during my mum’s treatment, while I was in the last weeks of my Degree, with a four-year-old whose behaviour had changed almost overnight to become extremely challenging and I was s-t-r-e-s-s-e-d. So I turned to God and I consciously honoured Him for every thing that was good and wonderful in my life. There’s a very specific moment I remember, driving, and in the midst of turmoil, feeling joy almost literally bubbling inside me.
I need to get back to that place.
We can hurt, heal, live and be joyful at the same time. We can’t control the journey but we can control our attitude.
I don’t think we have to thank God FOR the circumstances but we can thank Him IN the circumstances.
Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.
Psalm 28: 6-7